After years of not getting along, or fighting, or just straight out not speaking to each other, I decided I was “DONE”. Not wanting to be sad and miserable any longer, not wanting my children to see what the meaning of a “bad relationship” was.  Now was a good time, well there is never a good time, but now was my chance.  We were home from the hospital, after him leaving to go to the restaurant after begging him not to. As a result, he fell off of the roof from the restaurant he works at. All I could think about was KARMA, this is what he gets for leaving. But, after breaking his foot, and being in pain from that, it was time to add more.

Thinking to myself, how could I add more pain to the father of my children.  But, he has been doing just that for years.  Not paying attention, not caring, just simply walking right by and not even glancing my way.  I begged him not to leave that night.  Begged him just to stay, I had been cooking all afternoon, “stay and have a nice family dinner with me and our kids.”  But, as always, the restaurant was more important than us. Dropping everything for the restaurant we had both worked in for years. He was the manager and I was a waitress.  Granted his job was important, but family should always come first. Just an hour, that was all I asked for, an hour to sit down, talk and see how the kids day was.  He had made his calls, done what he needed to do, but always felt he had to be there to supervise.

“We need to talk” I told him.  The word no person ever wants to hear. “I cannot do this anymore!” After hours of anger and accusations, he finally agreed that I was right.  This was not a good relationship.  There was no communication, no feelings, no anything.  Did we want our kids to be a part of this? NO.  We are bigger than this, we want our kids to see happiness. They have definitely not seen that in years. Telling the children would be even harder than telling my husband.  They were so young. Tommy was 5 and Zoey was almost 4.  So young and so innocent.  As we sit them down to tear their world apart, I look into their eye’s and see that they know something big is going to happen.  “We have something to tell you.”  As they opened there big blue eye’s to look at as, we blew up there world.  Explaining how much we loved them, but could not be together anymore.  There eye’s sank with sadness.  As the tears rolled down there little faces, we continued.  Not wanting to get into to much detail with them (they were just too young) we explained we would no longer live together.  Trying to spin the details to there advantage, we talked about how fun it would be to live in two houses, having two Christmas’, two birthday’s, anything we could think of to make it a little easier on them.

At this time, I’m thinking about how hard it will be on me.  I have never lived on my own.  At the young age of 18, I moved out of my parents house and in with my soon to be X-husband. Leaving my life and starting a new, no job, no house and twelve dollars in the bank.  Whats next?  We worked together for fifteen years, so now I needed a new job. We lived together for just as many years, so time to find an apartment.  What did I do?  Am I doing this for me, for my kids?  That is exactly what I did.  I couldn’t stay, I couldn’t keep them in an environment like that any longer.  Finding a job and an apartment was the easy part.  Living the day to day was going to be scary.

Trying to be as upbeat as possible in front of the kids, wanting them to see I was strong enough to be what they needed, a single mom, the soul provider, but also someone they could look up to and respect down the road when they understood more. Needing to keep as much of the routine as possible, same bedtime, same bath time, same dinner time, I started to do what I do best and organize my life.  I always like to say I “go with the flow”, but that is definitely not the case.  I am very routine, very regimented, and I think that will be good for them.

Night time was the always the worst, most of the time crying myself to sleep.  Not because I was alone,  but, because I was never very confident in myself.  Being put down, and pushed aside for so many years takes a toll on people. Always feeling I was never good enough to do anything correct. Was I doing the right thing for my children?  Was I being selfish and tearing their world apart for nothing? YES and NO.  I was undoubtedly doing the right thing, for me and for them.  It is not for nothing!  My kids are my world, the only thing I was sure about. This was my time now, my time to show myself, and the rest of the world I could do anything.

Years later, through all the ups and downs, I realized I had definitely done the right thing, for me and for my children! I was much happier, even while I was alone. I had a great support system, amazing family and friends that helped me thought a lot. My life is was good, and will continue to get even better. I am so happy to say, after years of being me, I found my perfect other half.  He is the most amazing man who supports and challenges me every day.  We have since gotten married, and have an incredible life.  The best part, he adores my children as much as he does me.  This is life, this is how it should be. This is…”What’s next!”