Finally, after years of not getting along with my Husband, whether we arguing, fighting, or just straight out not speaking to each other, I decided I was, “DONE”.  I did want to be angry and miserable any longer. I did not want my children to see what the meaning of a “bad relationship” was.  Now was a good time.  Well, there is never a good time, but now was my chance.  We were home from the hospital, with a cast on his leg. Going to the restaurant after I begged him not to.  He fell off the roof when the ladder slipped out from under his feet. All I could think about was, “KARMA”. This is what he gets for leaving. I know that makes me a horrible person but, after breaking his foot and his ankle, and being in agonizing pain from that, it was time to add more.

As I thought to myself how could I add more pain to the father of my children. I realized the truth was, he had been doing just that for years.  Not paying attention, not caring, or just simply walking by and not even glancing my way.  I begged him not to leave that night.  Pleaded with him to just stay home.  I had been cooking all afternoon. The house smelled like Thanksgiving Day with all the trimmings, “stay and have a nice family dinner with me and the kids”.  But as always, the restaurant was more important than us. Dropping everything for that damn restaurant we both worked in for years. He was the manager, and I was a waitress.  Granted his job was important than mine, but family should always come first. “Just an hour, that is all I ask for, an hour to sit down, talk and see how the kids’ day was”.  He made his calls, done what he needed to do for the restaurant, but always felt he had to be there to supervise.

“We need to talk,” I told him.  The words no person ever wants to hear. I could feel my heart sinking into my stomach. “I cannot do this anymore!” After hours of yelling, screaming, and accusations from the man I had been with since I was a teenager, he finally agreed that I was right.  We did not a good relationship.  There was no communication, no feelings, no anything.  Did we want our kids to be a part of this or learn that it was ok?  NO!  We were bigger than this. We wanted our children to see happiness. They had not seen that in years.

Telling the children would be even harder than telling my husband.  They were so young. Tommy was 5 and Zoey was almost 4. Trying to round them up to sit on the couch, in the bright blue sitting room I remembered painting when we first bought the house.  It was their nursery for the first year of each of their lives.

Finally, they came running, full of energy. Bouncing and jumping around, like they had each eaten a big bag of candy.  We got them somewhat calm, and settled.  “We have something to tell you,” we start.  The kids were still fidgeting, and hopping in their seats, but we continue.  Looking in their beautiful baby blue eyes, we tell them how much we love them.  “We are getting divorced.  We cannot live together any longer.”  Their eyes filled with sadness.  Tears rolling down their cheeks.   Watching those little faces as they looked up at us.  The sadness still in their eyes, tears still rolling down their cheeks, they were like little statues sitting so still. Not knowing what to do or say I thought to myself, “I have to do something to turn this around, change this to something positive.” My heart was racing, my head spinning. What can I say to make this any of this better for them?

Thinking about the holidays and how different they were going to be I blurted out, “Just think how many more presents you will get for your birthdays, or Christmas.” Not that it was a consolation prize, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. “You will both spend time with Daddy and his family, and then also spend time with me and my family. Which means double the presents, and double the fun. You guys will also have two birthdays. Won’t that be great?  Twice the cake and ice cream, what’s better than that?”

I wanted to stay as upbeat as I possible in front of the kids. I wanted them to know I was strong enough to be a single mom, and their sole provider. Most of all, I wanted to be someone they could look up to and respect down the road when they understood all of this.  My kids are my world, the only thing I was sure about. This was my time now, my time to show myself, and the kids I could do anything.

Years later, through all the ups and downs, I realized how right this was for me and the children!  I was much happier, even all the years I was alone and ultimately they knew and saw it. I had a great support system. I have an amazing family and great friends that helped me though a lot. My life is good, and will continue to get even better. The kids are older and doing great.  They have told me numerous times, Daddy and I were just “not meant to be”. I have since met a wonderful man after years of being me, and finally learning who that person is.  He is the most amazing man who supports and challenges me every day.  We have since gotten married, and have an incredible life.  The best part, he adores my children as much as he does me.  This is life, and this is how life should be.