Family is Not Always Blood!

Uncategorized

   Family Is Not Always Blood

Who makes the determination of what a family consists of? Is the determining factor of family based solely on blood?  Blood relatives are always family, like it or not, you don’t have a choice. To me, family has a much wider definition that does not always consist of just blood relatives. Love is just as strong as a blood relation if not stronger. Sure, anyone can marry their love and become family, but love can go deeper than that. Love can be derived by a strong bond. For instance, men and women that rely on each other, risking their lives, everyday working together in a high-risk job, develop such a bond and in fact become a strong family. Some of these families develop in jobs such as the fire service, police service, and military service.  I am fortunate to be part of the fire service family.

Fireman’s Heroic Rescues

Firefighters risk their lives on a daily basis. While some may not see them as everyday people, they are just normal people that just happen to run into a situation, that everyone else is running out of. Firefighters are as much an everyday person as us, with a much more dangerous and scarier job. They have to make the impossible possible by assessing and determining how to solve a problem in seconds, all while having to keep themselves, their brothers, and the families they are helping stay safe.

Firefighters need to have a lot of trust in each other. If they cannot trust the person standing beside them while running into a situation, then no-one is safe. The trust starts while they are training. Not only are these brave men and woman trained in live fire, but they are trained emergency medical services, confined space entry, high angle rescue, extrication, trench recue, swift water rescue, structural collapse, hazardous materials and much, much more. Basically, they are the answer to any problem that may arise. When someone calls with a problem, their job is to fix it, or at least limit the effect. Primarily, firefighters deliver emergency medical services. They basically are street doctors that help outside of the hospital elements, delivering emergency medical care in the most crucial of times, in less than optimal circumstances. There is no time to discuss prognosis’ with ten other doctors, time is of the essence.

Home is where the heart is! These men and women that serve us every day, in fact, have two homes. A firefighter’s first home, is of course, their families of blood. They have parents, siblings, spouses and children. These men and women kiss their loved ones and say goodbye as they leave their first home and go to work. Once at work, they spend time with their second family. Brothers and sisters that they have trained with, live with, and face the most dangerous of situations together, ultimately becoming their second family. They feel each-others love, loss, and pain. The bond that they form, cannot be understood by anyone, unless they have walked a mile in their boots. Eventually, these two families are molded together. The blood families and the firehouse families all become one. The spouses become close and some of the children even grow up together. It is one large extended family. Love and trust is the foundation of this family! It is this blending of the two families, that allow the firefighters to do the job that they do and provide support for their first families. Sometimes, tragedy can present itself and knock both families off balance.

Not everything is always sunshine and roses. Occasionally, a firefighter makes the ultimate sacrifice and leaves both of their families behind. When this loss occurs, both families suffer an unbearable loss. This is where brotherhood and the blended families show their greatest strength. Firefighters and their families are in fact one big family, that comes to the rescue when these rescuers their families need rescuing.  Everyone feels the pain from the loss of a brother or sister, but they always take care of their own. This family strength is spread across departments across the country. Other departments will step up to honor their fallen brothers and sisters during ceremonies, cover the stations of the department who is experiencing the loss, and support in any way that they can. Everyone is effected by the loss, and all firefighters support those that stood beside the fallen firefighter on a daily basis and their families. All firefighting families blood and bonded come together and stand united as one, and hold each other up. The world on the other hand, never skips a beat and moves on. People are always in need of help and firefighters must continue to respond.

Finding a little fun in a horrible situation is always an expected outcome with some of these goofy guys (the wives and children in the background laughing of course) and the remembrance and joy helps to ease the pain and strengthen the bond. Having a beer or giving a little slap or a tickle is how some people cope with loss. In a world of dismay and dealing with others pain, firefighters and their families have learned that moments of pain require moments of levity. Everyone handles their grieving differently. Telling stories and reminiscing of the past is always a great way to keep our fallen loved ones in our hearts and minds. We will never forget our fallen loved ones, they walk together with us every day and although the pain eventually eases with time, it never completely goes away.

We are all stronger with our families by our side. Does family always mean blood? No! Family is strength and love, but most of all, family is trust. As much as we get all of these things with blood, the brave men and women who have come together to protect and serve the public, the bond is just as deep and their families are everything to them. Keeping these family’s safe is what they do. It is who they are!

 

 

 

 

 

The Rights Of a Step-Parent Final

Uncategorized

What are the legal rights that step-parents have, and why is it that they do not have the same rights as the biological parents?  Many children grow up with more than just their biological parents. Whether the biological parents remarry, there is a same sex marriage and there is only one biological parent, or whatever the case may be, step-parents are very common in children’s lives, and contrary to some beliefs, not all step-parents are monsters.  Just because someone is a biological parent, does not necessarily mean they are a true parent. Some step-parents have more involvement with the children, and know more about the children’s lives medically, and scholastically than the, “biological parent.”  Parenting is not always blood, but the love you have for the child.  Laws should be changed to reflect the newer times and the growth in the amount of parents.

My children have a step-father in their lives.  Majority of the time the children live with us.  My husband is more of a father to my kids than their biological father.  He is there every day, for all doctor’s appointments, homework, and most meals. My kids biological father is in their lives, but wants to be the fun parent.  He never does homework with them and even went as far as changing the visitation schedule to where the kids come my house ever day after school. He also puts them to bed when he feels like it, and never wants to be the disciplinarian.

There is a very interesting law that gives the step-parents a little say in what is happening. In Massachusetts, there was a new law passed in January of 2009. “General Laws, Chapter 201F, permitting a parent to authorize another person, with whom the minor child resides, to exercise joint responsibilities over the education and the health care of the child (Step-parent).” In this law, the biological parent has the right to give as little or as much rights to the authorized person.  The main rights given are for school and/or healthcare. Under this law, the parent or guardian must in writing, fill out a “Caregiver authorization affidavit,” (Commonwealth). This is where they will specify, and pinpoint exactly what rights they are willing to give the step-parent. But, if the parent and the caregiver do not see eye to eye on a matter, the parent’s decision will ultimately trump the caregiver (Commonwealth).

Step-parents can also be defined as a “De Facto” parent (Gee). A de facto parent is person who is not a biological parent, but has been in the child’s life as a member of their family. The de facto parent lives with the child and, with the “consent and encouragement of the legal parent, performs a share of caretaking functions at least as great as the legal parent”,(Gee). The laws have changed a lot since 2000. “Laws vary state to state, but the rights often come down to a child’s relationships with the step-parent and the biological parents” (Bird). In my case, I think my current husband is more of a de facto parent. The children live with us well more than 50% of the time. He is as much a part of their lives as I am, and when I am not home he takes care of them just as I would.

There was a court case in 2015, the first one in Massachusetts that allowed a de facto parent shared custody. In this case, the de facto parent, was a parent from a same sex marriage.  While only one parent was the biological parent, the other parent has no biological connection.  She was part of the child’s life since the child was a baby. That does not make her any less of a parent.  In most cases, the non-biological parent would adopt the child, but not always. In this case, the de facto parent did not adopt the children, but was still able to have joint custody.

What happens if a step-parent tries to get visitation rights?  “Not all states honor the visitation laws”,(Atkinson 7). Massachusetts is not one of those states, but California, Tennessee, and Virginia to name a few do follow the rights. It is up to each individual court judgement, but in some of the hearings involved, the court observed, “some of the step-parents treated the children as the step-parent would treat their own child,” (Atkinson 7). In my house hold all the children get treated the same.  My husband also has a child living with us.  Although there is a big age difference between my kids and his, they all put in their share.

My husband has been in my children’s lives for over seven years. I understand not all people are like him, but he took on the role as a father again. The kids are not my kids, they are our kids.  He is more invested in their well-being than their biological father.  He helps in every aspect of their lives, cooking, cleaning, teaching, and reprimanding. He even helped me to set up a college funds for them. Their father has never put a dime into it and said they need to fend for themselves when it comes time for college.  I wish my husband could adopt my kids and take over as their “true” father. But, with all the laws out there that protect the parents, unless their father is willing to give up his rights, there is nothing more than what the laws will allow.

Step-parents have a very limited legal role. A lot of laws have changed since the early 2000’s that give the step-parents a small amount of rights to back them up and that is determined from one of the biological parent.  The biological parent can write an affidavit to give the step-parent rights to make school and limited medical decisions. But, what if something were to happen to me? What if the kids were afraid to go to court and tell the court they wanted to be in their step-father’s life?  They would go straight to their biological father, who is not a bad man, he is just so wrapped up in his own life the kids would not be a priority.  That is not fair to any of them. They need each other.  There needs to be a more clear-cut law for the step-parents.  If something happened to me, why couldn’t he take on the role as parent and fight for custody.  The kids are more comfortable with us than they are with their father.  I am sure not all blended families are like mine, but I am sure we are not the only family to feel this way. Why should we have to wait till something happens?  It is not fair to the children to be a nasty court battle, and I don’t know any parents that would want that for their kids!

Work Cited Page

 

 

Atkinson, Jeff. “Shifts in the Law Regarding the Rights of Third Parties to Seek Visitation and Custody of Children.” Family Law Quarterly, vol. 47, no. 1, 2013, pp. 1–34., www.jstor.org/stable/23526342. Acc 1 Mar 2017

 

Bird, Beverly. “Legal Rights of a Step-Parents vs Real Parents.” LegalZoom, Acc 1 Mar 2017.

 

Commonwealth of Massachusetts, The General Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Chapter 201F,[c. 2017] , MALegislature.gov

 

Gee, Brandon. “Massachusetts court grants defacto parent shared custody!! The first in Massachusetts.” Parker & Grady Law, 16 October 2015.

“Step-Parents Rights”, Family Law Practice. 25 August 2009.

Portfolio Cover Letter

Portfolio

Dear Portfolio Committee,

 

Walking into English 101 had to have been one of the most surreal times in my life. It had been over 20 years since I have stepped foot into a classroom. I had already been married, had a couple of children, divorced and remarried. So much has changed since I was last in school but I do not think until that moment, that I had realized just how much. Upon arrival, after introducing myself, Professor Pappas started going over the syllabus of the class. My anxiety level started to skyrocket. I did not realize this class was going to be completely computer based. Computers and I are not exactly friends. With a lot of hard work and determination I was going to get through this class. I struggled a lot in the beginning. Learning how to set up a blog was never something I thought I would ever have to learn.

The first essay I wanted to share with all of you is, “What’s Next.” I knew right from the beginning when I heard of this memoir assignment, I wanted to write about my divorce. The detail and thoughts were all right there at the tip of my fingers. Putting them down on paper was another story. I quickly realized my thoughts were all over the place. Organizing the paragraphs and keeping my thought running smoothly was not what was happening at all. Expressing the finer details was a lot more difficult than I had imagined. Learning about “Exploding Moments” followed by a lot of help and guidance from Professor Pappas, I finally had the ability to get all my thoughts down paper. Being a little intimidated by the computer I will have to admit, I did write my first draft on paper, literally.

The ethnography essay was most likely my favorite essay to write. “Wild Child” is about my little buddy Max. The main idea of this essay was to gather as much detail as possible. Details from sight and smell and even what we heard going on in the background in addition to what was going on right in front of us. The day was filled with a lot of emotion and I tried to gather up as much of the detail as I could. Putting this all down on paper was a little bit easier with all the dialogue, but again I found myself struggling with the wording. Apparently, I am big with either run-on sentencing and or punctuation. As Professor Pappas said it, “I sprinkle commas on like salt and pepper.” I never realized how badly it was until I saw all the green and purple marks on my papers. Thankfully purple and green are my two favorite colors so I did not take it offensively.

Saving the best for last, the research paper was the most difficult piece for me. The last research paper I did was many years ago.  Back then we would to go to the library, look through the index cards and find the books on the shelves. Now, theoretically all research can be done by the click of the mouse. For someone that is as computer challenged as I am, this was very difficult. Finding a source and knowing if that source is a creditable one was extremely challenging for me.  Absorbing all the information was more disheartening. What rights or lack there-of was very sad. In many cases step-parents, unless adopting the children do not have many rights. In my case, as much as I would love for my husband to adopt my children, the only way possible would be for my ex-husband to relinquish his rights, or god forbid he passed. Moving forward I would have to say as difficult as this essay was for me I enjoyed the challenge.

I realized while taking this class how out of touch I had become with my writing skills. My thoughts are all still there and still in abundance, but I am all over the place. Keeping all my thoughts together and organizing them is a very big work in progress. I feel as if I have come a long way, but with that said I also have a long way to go. I will continue to learn what I need to learn on the computer to help my writing skills. To me that is still one of the hardest things for me.  Most days I feel as if my kids are more computer literate than I am. Moving forward I know I will never be perfect writer, but I will always try my hardest to do the best of my ability.

I hope you all enjoy reading the essays I have written as much as enjoyed the challenge of writing them.

What’s Next (Essay1 Memoir)

Portfolio

Finally, after years of not getting along with my Husband, whether we arguing, fighting, or just straight out not speaking to each other, I decided I was, “DONE”.  I did want to be angry and miserable any longer. I did not want my children to see what the meaning of a “bad relationship” was.  Now was a good time.  Well, there is never a good time, but now was my chance.  We were home from the hospital, with a cast on his leg. Going to the restaurant after I begged him not to.  He fell off the roof when the ladder slipped out from under his feet. All I could think about was, “KARMA”. This is what he gets for leaving. I know that makes me a horrible person but, after breaking his foot and his ankle, and being in agonizing pain from that, it was time to add more.

As I thought to myself how could I add more pain to the father of my children. I realized the truth was, he had been doing just that for years.  Not paying attention, not caring, or just simply walking by and not even glancing my way.  I begged him not to leave that night.  Pleaded with him to just stay home.  I had been cooking all afternoon. The house smelled like Thanksgiving Day with all the trimmings, “stay and have a nice family dinner with me and the kids”.  But as always, the restaurant was more important than us. Dropping everything for that damn restaurant we both worked in for years. He was the manager, and I was a waitress.  Granted his job was important than mine, but family should always come first. “Just an hour, that is all I ask for, an hour to sit down, talk and see how the kids’ day was”.  He made his calls, done what he needed to do for the restaurant, but always felt he had to be there to supervise.

“We need to talk,” I told him.  The words no person ever wants to hear. I could feel my heart sinking into my stomach. “I cannot do this anymore!” After hours of yelling, screaming, and accusations from the man I had been with since I was a teenager, he finally agreed that I was right.  We did not a good relationship.  There was no communication, no feelings, no anything.  Did we want our kids to be a part of this or learn that it was ok?  NO!  We were bigger than this. We wanted our children to see happiness. They had not seen that in years.

Telling the children would be even harder than telling my husband.  They were so young. Tommy was 5 and Zoey was almost 4. Trying to round them up to sit on the couch, in the bright blue sitting room I remembered painting when we first bought the house.  It was their nursery for the first year of each of their lives.

Finally, they came running, full of energy. Bouncing and jumping around, like they had each eaten a big bag of candy.  We got them somewhat calm, and settled.  “We have something to tell you,” we start.  The kids were still fidgeting, and hopping in their seats, but we continue.  Looking in their beautiful baby blue eyes, we tell them how much we love them.  “We are getting divorced.  We cannot live together any longer.”  Their eyes filled with sadness.  Tears rolling down their cheeks.   Watching those little faces as they looked up at us.  The sadness still in their eyes, tears still rolling down their cheeks, they were like little statues sitting so still. Not knowing what to do or say I thought to myself, “I have to do something to turn this around, change this to something positive.” My heart was racing, my head spinning. What can I say to make this any of this better for them?

Thinking about the holidays and how different they were going to be I blurted out, “Just think how many more presents you will get for your birthdays, or Christmas.” Not that it was a consolation prize, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. “You will both spend time with Daddy and his family, and then also spend time with me and my family. Which means double the presents, and double the fun. You guys will also have two birthdays. Won’t that be great?  Twice the cake and ice cream, what’s better than that?”

I wanted to stay as upbeat as I possible in front of the kids. I wanted them to know I was strong enough to be a single mom, and their sole provider. Most of all, I wanted to be someone they could look up to and respect down the road when they understood all of this.  My kids are my world, the only thing I was sure about. This was my time now, my time to show myself, and the kids I could do anything.

Years later, through all the ups and downs, I realized how right this was for me and the children!  I was much happier, even all the years I was alone and ultimately they knew and saw it. I had a great support system. I have an amazing family and great friends that helped me though a lot. My life is good, and will continue to get even better. The kids are older and doing great.  They have told me numerous times, Daddy and I were just “not meant to be”. I have since met a wonderful man after years of being me, and finally learning who that person is.  He is the most amazing man who supports and challenges me every day.  We have since gotten married, and have an incredible life.  The best part, he adores my children as much as he does me.  This is life, and this is how life should be.

 

Wild Child (Essay2 Ethnography)

Portfolio

 

Max is a very active, rambunctious, and wild five year old boy.  Just like most five year old boys, he is on the go constantly. He likes to play outside and run around. He plays most of the seasonal sports like baseball and soccer.  Max is the youngest of 3 boys. He learns a lot from his older siblings, as we all usually do. He learns what is fun or not, and what is right and what is wrong.

As Max and I start our little adventure, he decides he is going to take us to the park. Nicole is Max’ mom, and she is coming along with us for our journey.  The first place he runs, is to the monkey bars. He climbs the ladder and looks around to make sure we were watching.  It’s a cool, crisp winter morning. His soft brown hair blows in the wind.  It is too early for any new growth on the trees, but at least the snow has all melted.

“Watch me,” Max yells.  He grabs on to the first bar, and off he goes.  About half way through, Max falls off.  He hits the ground hard but gets back up and starts again.  This time he swings his little body all the way across. His smile getting bigger and bigger with every bar he grabs. Max was so proud of himself. He runs over to his mother and boasts, “I did it. Did you see me?”

“Great job Max, I’m so proud of you,” she says as she hugs him.

“What kind of prize do I get for that Mom?” he asks excitedly

I try to figure out what he meant by his question, Nicole asks him, “what do you want?”

“I want Ice Cream!” Max demands.

I am somewhat confused as to why Max is asking for a prize but Nicole tells him, “when we get home you can have an Ice Cream.” She looks over at me and explains, “I got into a bad habit of giving him a prize every time he does something new and succeeds.  Now he expects it!”

My eyes start roaming around. All the kids playing were just happy so to be outside.  It was chilly, but not overly cold. After a long winter being cooped up, there were kids everywhere.  There was a group of kids playing tag, and it seemed as if the girls were all running from the boys.  Other kids were on the swings being pushed by the parents or friends, and the older kids all seemed to be congregating on the top of the rope towers. One little girl was trying to be brave by standing on the spinning wheel. Her pigtails were whipping around her face from the wind.  She almost fell but caught herself quickly, yelling to her father, “Daddy did you see me?” He looks up from his phone and gives her a wave.  She looked so sad as she got off the wheel, putting her head down and slowly walking on to her next adventure.

Back at the house Max has his freeze pop.  I ask him to show me his room.  We walk up the stairs, and down the loud wooden hallway.  He stops in front of his room and looks at me to say, “Sorry for the mess.”  I almost hit the floor. What would make a five year old boy say something like that, or even care what his room looked like. His room was simply done, with blue and white walls.  There was built in bookcases, filled with toy tractors and trucks, pictures and actions books scattered all around.  His bed was unmade and he had some dirty clothes on the floor, probably his pajamas from the night before. Definitely not what I would call a mess.  His walls were mostly bare, but across from his bed, where he can wake up and see it every morning, was a large picture of a man. That man was his father Kevin.

“That is my Dad,” Max started. “He died when I was little. He got into a bad car accident and didn’t come home again. Mommy still cries.” It was so sad to hear those words coming from that sweet boy’s mouth. I was ready to cry myself. I could not ever imagine the pain this child must go through on a daily-basis. I knew his father, and knew him well. Kevin used to be my boss and we had worked together for years at a small town restaurant.

“Max, I remember your Daddy. He was a great man!” I told him.

His big brown eyes stare up at me. With a saddened smile on his face, he says to me, “I don’t really remember him, but I have lots of pictures!” He pulls out a photo album from the bookcase.  “It’s all my pictures of my Dad. If I am in them it was when I was a baby.”

Saddened by the reality of it all, I said to Max, “Those are great memories, and as you get older you will want to look at all those pictures you have in there.  It must be hard not being able to remember him.”

He quickly jumps off the bed and yells to his mother, “Mom, can I ride my new bike?” He must have wanted the subject changed as much as I did.

“Sure,” Nicole agreed.

We walk back out into the cool crisp air. Nicole opens the garage door. Its every boys dream garage filled with scooters and bikes, dirt bikes and quads. He has two older brothers (from a different father), and he wants to be just like them. He pulls out a bright, shiny new red dirt bike. Knowing that the older boys were very much into motorized bikes, I should not have been surprised. Max rolls the dirt bike onto the driveway and fires it up.  It is not a very big bike, but still big and powerful enough that it made me nervous.  My kids grew up in the city and were not brought up around things like this, but now that we have moved to the country, they are already asking and I don’t know if I am ready for that.  He goes back into the garage, and comes out with his helmet. The helmet is all black, with the exception of a bright red Mohawk to match the bike. Max throws the helmet on his head, buckles it up, and off he goes. He weaves in and out of the leafless trees, up and down the long driveway, and all over the yard. This boy is a madman but he was in heaven!

Suddenly the bike stops. Max takes off his helmet and throws it to the ground. Hard to believe this is the same boy, who less than 5 seconds ago was having the time of his life.

“What’s going on Max?” Nicole asks.

“Stupid bike,” Max yells.

“What’s the matter?” Nicole asks again.

“It’s dead, this bike sucks,” he says as he stomps away.

“Is it out of gas?” Mom asks.

“Yes!” Max yells again with a big puss on his face.

“When your brothers’ get home from school, they will fill it up for you and you can ride for a little while longer.”  She was trying to make him feel a little better, but it was not working.

He was mad! “I want to ride NOW,” he demands.

“You have to wait for Cayden to come home from school,” she tries to explain to him. Cayden is the oldest of his 2 older brothers.  He stormed into the garage and started throwing things around while looking for the container of gas himself. “Max, you have to wait!”

“I DON’T WANT TO WAIT!” He started crying. He was so angry that he was not getting his way. Kicking and screaming, nothing was safe in that garage. He was having a temper tantrum, and what a temper he has! Nicole gets up, walks into the garage and tries to console an inconsolable boy. The patience she has is unbelievable. Hugging him and rubbing his back, she whispers something in his ear that seems to help. I didn’t ask what she said to him, but whatever she said worked. Next thing I know they are both crying. It has been almost 2 years since Kevin’s death, but still very new, and real to them. Kevin’s death still impacts everything they do and everything they say. The whole family feels it every day.  But Max, he has it the worst. He sees his brothers going to see their father or their father coming to pick them up.  Kyle is a great dad to those boys, and he is very good to Max, but he is not Dad.

Nicole and Max compose themselves, and come out of the garage.  Max has his basketball in hand and starts dribbling. Running to the hoop, dribbling the ball like a pro he takes a shot.  Swish. You can tell his older brothers teach and help him with everything he does.  He retrieves that ball and takes another shot, swish. He yells over to us to come play with him. We get up and walk over as he passes the ball to his mother.  She shoots and misses.  “You suck mom,” he giggles.

“Max, watch your mouth,” she says sternly.

He snatches the ball up again, aims and take another shot.  Another one right in with little effort. This kid is amazing. “Ha Ha Ha,” he giggles looking at us.

“Creep,” Nicole yells over to him. Turning her direction my way she comments , “He is so fresh. Just like his father!”  Remembering Kevin from work, and seeing and hearing Max, I strongly agree. He is his father all the way. Sweet as pie, but with a big-time temper!

Max is a very typical little five year old boy, despite the fact that he is growing up in a very untypical situation. He loves to be outside, play sports and video games, and is always on the go! It really amazed me after spending the day him, how good he is doing.  With everything he goes through on a daily-basis and despite his terrible loss, this boy with the help of his mother, brothers and rest of their family and friends, is growing up to be a very active, sweet and happy boy.  Keeping Max going, and keeping him busy, whether with sports or karate, dirt bikes and quads is most definitely what he needs, what they all need to move on from the horrific tragedy they have all suffered.

The Right of a Step-parent (Essay 4-Argument)

Portfolio

What are the legal rights that step-parents have, and why is it that they do not have the same rights as the biological parents?  Many children grow up with more than just their biological parents. Whether the biological parents remarry, there is a same sex marriage and there is only one biological parent, or whatever the case may be, step-parents are very common in children’s lives, and contrary to some beliefs, not all step-parents are monsters.  Just because someone is a biological parent, does not necessarily mean they are a true parent. Some step-parents have more involvement with the children, and know more about the children’s lives medically, and scholastically than the, “biological parent.”  Parenting is not always blood, but the love you have for the child.  Laws should be changed to reflect the newer times and the growth in the amount of parents.

My children have a step-father in their lives.  Majority of the time the children live with us.  My husband is more of a father to my kids than their biological father.  He is there every day, for all doctor’s appointments, homework, and most meals. My kids biological father is in their lives, but wants to be the fun parent.  He never does homework with them and even went as far as changing the visitation schedule to where the kids come my house ever day after school. He also puts them to bed when he feels like it, and never wants to be the disciplinarian.

There is a very interesting law that gives the step-parents a little say in what is happening. In Massachusetts, there was a new law passed in January of 2009. “General Laws, Chapter 201F, permitting a parent to authorize another person, with whom the minor child resides, to exercise joint responsibilities over the education and the health care of the child (Step-parent).” In this law, the biological parent has the right to give as little or as much rights to the authorized person.  The main rights given are for school and/or healthcare. Under this law, the parent or guardian must in writing, fill out a “Caregiver authorization affidavit,” (Commonwealth). This is where they will specify, and pinpoint exactly what rights they are willing to give the step-parent. But, if the parent and the caregiver do not see eye to eye on a matter, the parent’s decision will ultimately trump the caregiver (Commonwealth).

Step-parents can also be defined as a “De Facto” parent (Gee). A de facto parent is person who is not a biological parent, but has been in the child’s life as a member of their family. The de facto parent lives with the child and, with the “consent and encouragement of the legal parent, performs a share of caretaking functions at least as great as the legal parent”,(Gee). The laws have changed a lot since 2000. “Laws vary state to state, but the rights often come down to a child’s relationships with the step-parent and the biological parents” (Bird). In my case, I think my current husband is more of a de facto parent. The children live with us well more than 50% of the time. He is as much a part of their lives as I am, and when I am not home he takes care of them just as I would.

There was a court case in 2015, the first one in Massachusetts that allowed a de facto parent shared custody. In this case, the de facto parent, was a parent from a same sex marriage.  While only one parent was the biological parent, the other parent has no biological connection.  She was part of the child’s life since the child was a baby. That does not make her any less of a parent.  In most cases, the non-biological parent would adopt the child, but not always. In this case, the de facto parent did not adopt the children, but was still able to have joint custody.

What happens if a step-parent tries to get visitation rights?  “Not all states honor the visitation laws”,(Atkinson 7). Massachusetts is not one of those states, but California, Tennessee, and Virginia to name a few do follow the rights. It is up to each individual court judgement, but in some of the hearings involved, the court observed, “some of the step-parents treated the children as the step-parent would treat their own child,” (Atkinson 7). In my house hold all the children get treated the same.  My husband also has a child living with us.  Although there is a big age difference between my kids and his, they all put in their share.

My husband has been in my children’s lives for over seven years. I understand not all people are like him, but he took on the role as a father again. The kids are not my kids, they are our kids.  He is more invested in their well-being than their biological father.  He helps in every aspect of their lives, cooking, cleaning, teaching, and reprimanding. He even helped me to set up a college funds for them. Their father has never put a dime into it and said they need to fend for themselves when it comes time for college.  I wish my husband could adopt my kids and take over as their “true” father. But, with all the laws out there that protect the parents, unless their father is willing to give up his rights, there is nothing more than what the laws will allow.

Step-parents have a very limited legal role. A lot of laws have changed since the early 2000’s that give the step-parents a small amount of rights to back them up and that is determined from one of the biological parent.  The biological parent can write an affidavit to give the step-parent rights to make school and limited medical decisions. But, what if something were to happen to me? What if the kids were afraid to go to court and tell the court they wanted to be in their step-father’s life?  They would go straight to their biological father, who is not a bad man, he is just so wrapped up in his own life the kids would not be a priority.  That is not fair to any of them. They need each other.  There needs to be a more clear-cut law for the step-parents.  If something happened to me, why couldn’t he take on the role as parent and fight for custody.  The kids are more comfortable with us than they are with their father.  I am sure not all blended families are like mine, but I am sure we are not the only family to feel this way. Why should we have to wait till something happens?  It is not fair to the children to be a nasty court battle, and I don’t know any parents that would want that for their kids!

Work Cited Page

Atkinson, Jeff. “Shifts in the Law Regarding the Rights of Third Parties to Seek Visitation and Custody of Children.” Family Law Quarterly, vol. 47, no. 1, 2013, pp. 1–34., www.jstor.org/stable/23526342. Acc 1 Mar 2017

Bird, Beverly. “Legal Rights of a Step-Parents vs Real Parents.” LegalZoom, Acc 1 Mar 2017.

Commonwealth of Massachusetts, The General Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Chapter 201F,[c. 2017] , MALegislature.gov

Gee, Brandon. “Massachusetts court grants defacto parent shared custody!! The first in Massachusetts.” Parker & Grady Law, 16 October 2015.

“Step-Parents Rights”, Family Law Practice. 25 August 2009.

Essay 4 rough draft

Uncategorized

Many children grow up with more than just their biological parents. Whether the biological parents remarry, same sex marriage and one is not the biological parent, or whatever the case may be, Step-parents are very common in children’s lives! Just because someone is a biological parent, does not necessarily mean they are a true parent. Some step-parents have more involvement with the children, and know more about the children’s lives medically, and scholastically than the, “biological parent.”  Parenting is not always blood, but the love you have for the child. What is the legal grounds that step-parents have, and why is it that they do not have the same rights as the biological parents?

My children have a step-father in their lives.  The children, majority of the time live with us.  My husband is more of a father to my kids than their biological father.  He is there every day, for all doctor’s appointments, homework, and most meals. My kids, “biological father,” is in their lives, but wants to be the fun parent.  Never does homework with them, put them to bed when he feels like it, and never wants to be the disciplinarian.

In Massachusetts, there was a new law passed in January of 2009. “General Laws, Chapter 201F, permitting a parent to authorize another person, with whom the minor child resides, to exercise joint responsibilities over the education and the health care of the child (Step-parent).” In this Law, the biological parent has the right to give as little or as much rights to the authorized person.  The main rights that are given are for school and/or healthcare. Under this Law the parent or guardian must, in writing fill out a, “Caregiver authorization affidavit,” (Commonwealth). This is where they will specify, and pinpoint exactly what rights they are to give to step-parent or grandparents. But, if the parent and the caregiver do not see eye to eye on a matter, the parent’s decision will ultimately trump the caregiver (Commonwealth)!

Step-parents can also be defined as, “De Facto” parents (Gee). A de facto parent is, “one who has no biological relation to the child, but has participated in the child’s life as a member of the child’s family. The de facto parent resides with the child and, with the consent and encouragement of the legal parent, performs a share of caretaking functions at least as great as the legal parent,”(Gee). The laws changed a lot after 2000. “Laws vary state to state, but the rights often come down to a child’s relationships with the step-parent and the biological parents,” (Bird). In my case, I think my current husband is more of a de facto parent. The children live with us well more than 50% of the time. He is as much a part of their lives as I am, and when I am not home he takes on the complete roll of parent.

There was a court case in 2015, “the first one in Massachusetts to allow the de facto parent shared custody,”(Gee). In this case, the de facto parent, is a parent of a same sex marriage.  While only one parent can be the biological parent, the other parent has no biological connection.  That does not make them any less of a parent.  In a lot of cases, the non-biological parent would adopt the child, but not always. In this case the de facto parent did not adopt the children, but was still able to have joint custody.

What happens if you try and get visitation rights?  “Not all states honor the visitation laws,”(Atkinson 7). Massachusetts is not one of those states, but California, Tennessee, and Virginia to name a few do follow the rights. It’s to each individual court judgement, but in some of the hearings involved, the court observed, “some of the step-parents treated the children as the step-parent would treat their own child,” (Atkinson 7). In my house hold all the children get treated the same.  My husband also has a child living with us.  There is a big age difference between the kids, but they all pull their share. There is a chore list that they all have something to do every day. My husband’s son is much older than my children, but he still lives under our roof and does pay rent, there is no reason why he cannot do chores like my kids.

My husband has been in my children’s lives for over seven years. I understand not all people are like him, but he took on the role as a father again. The kids are not my kids, they are our kids.  He is more invested in their well-being than their biological father.  He helps in every aspect of their lives, cooking, cleaning, teaching, and reprimanding. He even helped me to set up a college funds for them. Their father has never put a dime into it and said they need to fend for themselves when it comes time for college.  I wish my husband could adopt my kids and take over as their “true” father. But, with all the laws out there that protect the parents, unless their father is willing to give up his rights, there is nothing more than what the laws will allow.

Step-parents have a very limited legal role. A lot of laws have changed since the early 2000’s that give the step-parents a little more to back them up, but that is determined from one parent.  I can write an affidavit and give my husband the rights to make school and limited medical decisions. But, what if something were to happen to me? What if they were to afraid to go to court and say that they still wanted to be a parent of their step-father’s life?  They would go straight to their biological father, who is not a bad man, he is just so wrapped up in his own life the kids would not be a priority.  That is not fair to them, or my husband.  He needs them and they need him.  There needs to be a more clear-cut law for the step-parents.  If something happened to me, why couldn’t he take on the role as parent and fight for custody.  The kids are more comfortable with us than they are with their father.  I am sure not all blended families are like mine, but I am sure we are not the only family to feel this way. Why should we have to wait till something happens?  Its more on the kids to be a nasty court battle, and I don’t want that for my kids!

 

Work Cited Page

 

 

ATKINSON, JEFF. “Shifts in the Law Regarding the Rights of Third Parties to Seek Visitation and Custody of Children.” Family Law Quarterly, vol. 47, no. 1, 2013, pp. 1–34., www.jstor.org/stable/23526342.

 

Bird, Beverly. “Legal Rights of a Step-Parents vs Real Parents.” LegalZoom, http://info.legalzoom.com/legal-rights-stepparents-vs-real-parents-21583.html

 

Commonwealth of Massachusetts, The General Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Chapter 201F,[c. 2017] , MALegislature.gov

 

Gee, Brandon. “Massachusetts court grants defacto parent shared custody!! The first in Massachusetts.” Parker & Grady Law, 16 October 2015.

“Step-Parents Rights”, WordPress.com. 25 August 2009. https://masscollaborativelaw.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/stepparent-rights/

 

Proposal

Uncategorized

I am interested in writing my paper on what rights step parents have toward the children when both parents are still in the picture.

I am interested because I am married and my husband is not the biological parent of my children. Although the kids live with us and he is vested in my kids as much as I am, their father is still in the picture. Their father does as little as possible, but still likes the title of Dad

Some of the sites I have found so far

Shifts on the Law…

Legal Rights of Stepparents Vs. Real Parents

Rights of Step-Parents in Custody and Visitation

Massachusetts court grants defacto parent shared custody!! The first in Massachusetts

Family Law Practice

commonwealth of massachusetts

 

Text Wrestling Final Draft

Uncategorized

In the article “All Joy and No Fun,” the author Jennifer Senior explains how parents, although they feel the need to be a parent, are not always happy being a parent.  Many studies have been done, in countries all over the world. The studies were done on men and women, single and married, parents and non-parent, to show the patterns of adults happiness.  Whether or not people can be happy as parent’s is in everyone’s own opinion.  There are a bunch of studies to say parent’s are not a happy breed.  But there are many people that will say otherwise, myself included.

A study in 2004 by Daniel Kahneman, surveying over 900 Texan woman, states, they would rather cook and clean over taking care of their kids.  Out of 19 different things, Parenting was number sixteen.  As Andrew Oswald says, “The broad message is not that children make you less happy; it’s just that children don’t make you more happy.” He also goes on saying, “Mothers are more unhappy than fathers, and single parents are more unhappy than mothers.”  Another study stemming from the 70’s all the way through til the early 2000’s from psychologist’s W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge, happiness in married couple’s relationships declined, and declined more with each generation; and it seemed the more money couples had, the less happy they were. Married couples did however feel they were happier when the kids got a little older but before the teenage years. Researcher Hans-Peter Kohler did a study and made the realization, ” countries with stronger welfare systems produce more children—and happier parents.” Not having to worry about paying for education, health insurance, and/or child care takes a huge weight off of parents shoulders.

Some of these studies are also showing that possibly the reason parents are unhappy is all the choice they have about having children.  Back in the day, women would leave their parents house in with their husbands and have children. Now, women go to college, settle down or not, get a house and decide when they want to have kids.  Should they start their career and then have kids, or have kids and then the career? Should they have kids young or wait til they are older and more mature? To many choice and not having the right or wrong answer could be a reason for the despondent demeanor.

So why with all the different studies out there, do people still have children? Maybe, “parents are deluded.” People still feel as if children will bring happiness to their lives.  A big part of the unhappiness changes in “parenting.”  It has changed so much over the years, and continues to change with each generation.  Women work more and often have a degree, and the technology has changed so much. Back in the day children were born and raised to help with the farms or the family business, and it was something you just did, never questioned.  Now, It is much more important to get a good education and get a degree. “A sociologist from Princeton Viviana Zelizer describes this transformation of a child’s value in five ruthless words: “Economically worthless but emotionally priceless”.”  Another sociologist Annette Lareau states, “lest they put their children at risk by not giving them every advantage.”  Basically, we need to do what we need to get our children a good education and always wanting more than we had ourselves.

Many parents enjoy the “moment to moment” good moods, but tend to forget the good moments and remember the bad. As researcher Sadlik puts it, “We’d all remember the negative things.” That is a very true statement, in my case also. I have two kids, one teen and one pre-teen.  I love my children more than anything.. They are the best and worst part of my day! But at the end of the day I tend to dwell on the negative, forgetting the great things that happened though-out the day.

There are also researchers who would like to contradict the facts of parents being “unhappy”.  In the article, “Does Having Kids Make Parents Happy After All?” written by Tanya Basu, she writes about a studies done by Chris Herbst of Arizona State University and John Ifcher of Santa Clara University.  They have found that parents are much more happy that they used to be. Technology has helped with the burden of everyday choirs.  Children also keep the parents socially active, whether it be for play dates or simple school meetings.. I tend to agree with that. I am constantly doing something with my children that keeps me talking with other parents or teachers or even some random little old lady at the grocery store.

I chose to have my children! I did not have them for other people to raise and I rearranged my schedule to oppose my ex-husbands so I did not have to worry about babysitter or where they would be going after school. They came home from school to me, always.  I planned both of them and wanted both of them.  Do they give me a hard time and like to push my buttons? Absolutely, that is their job.  But to classify me as a miserable, or unhappy parent is far from the truth.  Parenting is hard, there are no right and wrong answers. To say that parents are all unhappy is very researched, and partially proven. But, it is also contradicted! Children do not come with a manual per-se. Kids are trying, and keep parents busy and exhausted. That is their job, and our job is to help them grow up happy and healthy.

 

 

Cite Page

Basu, Tanya. “Does Having Kids Make Parents Happy After All?” The Atlantic, May 8, 2014.

Senior, Jennifer. “All Joy and No Fun.” The New York Magazine, July 4, 2010

 

Summary Peer Review Shannon

Uncategorized

Great job collecting facts.  I noticed a few direct quotes from the article that were not put in quotations, but you did reference most of the authors and/or researchers.  The first paragraph is directly from the article, and I noticed a few others that sounded very familiar from the reading. I personally love the quote from Gilbert that said, “They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to shit.” It is very true and I am pretty sure I had to use that quote in my summary, if not when I revise it is going to be in there!
There were so many facts and so much to absorb, I think you did good taking the main ones (Sorry I know mine was long and I need to summarize a little more.)
The paragraphing was very direct and factual, I think you just need to make sure what the direct quotes or paraphrasing quotes are giving credit to the author or researcher with the quotations.